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News Learn what you can do if you think someone you know is experiencing domestic violence.
It is difficult to see someone you care about get hurt but know that you cannot “rescue” them. Ultimately, a survivor must make his or her own decision about whether or not to leave an abusive relationship, but there are ways that you can help them find the resolve to escape their situation. Use the Haven House hotline, (716) 884-6000, as a resource through this process.
What Do I Need to Know?
The serious and painful effects of domestic violence impact survivors’ desire and ability to end their relationship. They may have been told the abuse was their fault, and they may feel responsible. Even though the relationship was abusive, they will probably feel sad and lonely when it is over. There are many complex reasons why survivors stay in abusive relationships. They may break up with and go back to the abuser many times. Remember, that it may be difficult for them to talk about the abuse.
What Can I Do?
- Don’t be afraid to tell them that you are concerned for their safety and want to help.
- Acknowledge and validate their feelings about their relationship.
- Help them recognize that the abuse is not normal and not their fault and that everyone deserves a healthy, nonviolent relationship.
- Be supportive and listen patiently.
- Focus on your friend or family member and what they need, not on the abuser. Even if your loved one stays with their abusive partner, it is important that they still feel comfortable talking to you about it.
- Be respectful of their decisions.
- Encourage them to do things with you and other friends and family members, and to take part in activities outside the relationship.
- Connect them to resources in their community (like the Haven House hotline, (716) 884-6000) that can help give them information and guidance as they move forward.
- Call the Haven House hotline, (716) 884-6000 to get your questions answered.
- Help them develop a plan to end their relationship safely.
- If they break up with the abuser, continue to be supportive of them once they are single.
*From Break the Cycle: Empowering Youth to End Domestic Violence.
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