This article was written by Roberta Hinkle. Roberta and her husband, Kevin, have six children in their home – four foster children, all siblings, and two birth children. The Hinkles have been foster parents with C&FS for five years.
Over two months after my four foster children and four birth children said goodbye to their teachers, friends, and caregivers, they are facing an entirely new way of life.
Our days went from “hurry the bus is coming,” “I will pick you up from school today for counseling,” and “field trip Friday!” to words that none of us have ever used on a regular basis. Our everyday conversations now use phrases like “new normal,” “flatten the curve,” “social distancing,” and “pandemic.” Twice-a-week visits with birth parents are now restricted to phone calls. Frequent visits and meals with older siblings and extended family members have been reduced for safety concerns. Counseling appointments and meetings with teachers are all done on Zoom or Skype. There have been so many changes for our kids that have already had so much uncertainty in their lives.
I was not planning on my husband and myself working from home while also having six of our kids at home full-time. The realization of that this had become our “new normal” was a shock at first. How would we explain to our kids what this means? How could we help them understand what all these new words they were hearing affect their individual lives?
So, first things first – a family meeting.
We sat down with our kids and talked about everything they had been hearing and what it meant for their lives at school, with friends, and with their birth parents. We discussed how our new schedule was going to work and what everyone’s role was going to look like. Every kid was assigned tasks. My husband and I adjusted our work schedules and we began our first week of our family’s new normal.
We agreed that keeping the most consistent routine we possibly could would be the easiest and healthiest way to help our children adjust to our new way of life. Every morning, the older kids help the younger kids with breakfast while my husband and I start our workday. After breakfast is schoolwork. Second and third graders log into their Seesaw and Dojo accounts to complete the work that their teachers assigned them, 30 minutes of reading, and use various other online learning sites to practice math and problem-solving skills. The preschooler and toddler work with their older sister on ABC Mouse, story time, and practice writing on their wipe boards. We incorporate art projects or home skills three times a week.
Then, lunch. Instead of sitting in the cafeteria with all their friends, all the kids help prepare their lunches and eat all together. After lunch, the entire group and our two dogs go for a walk around the block. Weather permitting, we get in some trampoline time or bike riding.
When the younger two are taking their naps, the older kids get some free time to watch TV, play games on their computers, or Skype with their friends. The oldest two take time to do their schoolwork and have Google meetings with their teachers.
The kids find new things to build, create, or even destroy every day. They play with Playdoh and slime, watch movies, draw, play board games, and sometimes even just sit and talk to each other. After more than eight weeks of being at home, I have not heard one kid say they were bored. It is amazing to watch kids and their imaginations grow when they are just given the time and a little creative love.
We have learned that we could find balance between keeping a routine and remaining flexible in our once-very-scheduled-and-busy week. Balancing school, play and, rest is important. Our previously limited screen time established for our children has now become a necessity in their lives during this “new normal”. Our rushed days have now become slower. The kids have all learned to work together, listen, and respect each other.
My husband are I are blessed to still have our jobs and have the ability to work full time at home. I was very worried about the challenges that this could have created with six kids in the house. But now I have seen even more how amazing all of our kids are. Watching them every day adjust to their situations, bound together, and help each other has shown me what the real meaning of a blessing is.